LumiLumi / For parents
Night terrors and nightmares in preschoolers
A night terror is a sleep disorder in which a child partly wakes from deep sleep in a terrified state, screaming or thrashing, without being truly awake. Night terrors are most common between ages 3 and 7, and most children outgrow them. A nightmare is a frightening dream that wakes the child up, and the child remembers it.
Night terror or nightmare
- When it happens. Night terrors come in the first third of the night, often before parents have gone to bed. Nightmares come in the second half of the night, when dreaming is most intense.
- Is the child awake? During a night terror the child is still asleep and may not recognize you. After a nightmare the child wakes up crying or afraid.
- The next morning. A child usually has no memory of a night terror. A nightmare is remembered, often in detail.
What a night terror looks like
The American Academy of Pediatrics lists the signs: crying that can’t be soothed, sweating, shaking or fast breathing, a terrified or glassy-eyed look, thrashing, screaming or kicking, and pushing you away when you try to hold them. An episode often lasts 10 to 20 minutes, sometimes longer, and then the child goes back to sleep.
What to do during a night terror
- Stay calm. The child is asleep and unaware of what is happening. It is harder on you than on them.
- Keep them safe. Make sure they can’t hurt themselves. If they try to get out of bed, gently hold them back.
- Wait. After a short time most children relax and sleep quietly again.
- Tell babysitters and grandparents what a night terror looks like and what to do, so nobody panics.
What to do after a nightmare
- Go to your child quickly and tell them you’re there and nothing will hurt them.
- Let them tell you about the dream, and remind them that dreams aren’t real.
- Leave a light on if it helps.
- Check the room for whatever looked scary, such as a shadow, and change it.
- When they’re ready, help them go back to sleep.
What makes night terrors more likely
The U.S. National Library of Medicine names three triggers: fever, not enough sleep, and periods of emotional tension, stress or conflict. Night terrors can also run in families. Two of the three are things a family can work on: a steady bedtime routine protects sleep, and a few calm minutes before lights out help a tense day end quietly.
Three exercises for a calmer bedtime
These exercises don’t treat night terrors. They help a child wind down before sleep and settle after a bad dream. The first two belong in the last five minutes of the routine, the third is for the middle of the night.
Moon Breathing
This bedtime ritual helps the body and mind slow down, shifting from “run and do” to “rest and recover.” Using imagination, the child breathes in soft moonlight and lets the busy day go before sleep.
- Inviting the Moonlight. When your child is already in bed, invite them to close their eyes and imagine a big, kind moon rising outside the window. It doesn’t shine brightly like the sun. It gives soft, cool, gentle light.Say: “Let’s imagine the moon has come to visit us. Its light is like a soft silver blanket. It brings quiet. Whatever happened today, you can rest now. Ready to let the light in?”
- Moonlit Inhale. Ask your child to take a very slow breath in through the nose. As they breathe in, they can imagine cool silver light coming in and slowly filling their head.Say: “Breathe in slowly... Imagine cool silver light filling your head. Maybe your head feels quiet and soft, almost like a little moon.”
- Breathing Out the Day. On the breath out, invite your child to imagine the busy day leaving the body: noise, rushing, and all the running around. We’re not fighting the day. We’re just letting it go.Say: “And now a long, long breath out. Imagine the last bits of daytime noise leaving with the air. We just let them go and melt into the dark night.”
- Filling Down to the Toes. Keep breathing and guide the moonlight lower: into the shoulders, arms, belly, and legs. Your child notices how each part of the body feels, without having to make it feel a certain way.Say: “With each breath, the moonlight flows a little farther. Into your shoulders... your arms... maybe they feel heavy and calm. Into your tummy... your legs... all the way to your toes.”
- Resting in the Moonlight. To finish, invite your child to just rest in the light, without trying to change anything. If your child is still wiggly or awake, that’s okay. Resting counts too.Say: “Now you’re like the night sky: deep, quiet, and full of soft light. You don’t need to do anything. Just rest. You’re safe and cozy in your bed.”
Stone Hands, Cloud Hands
This exercise teaches children to notice muscle tension and let it go on purpose. By feeling the difference between hard, tight “stone hands” and soft, loose “cloud hands,” children learn what relaxed feels like in the body. Practice at a calm time first, so your child can use it later when their body feels tight or angry.
- Turn into Stone. Ask your child to stretch their arms forward and squeeze their fists as tight as they can without hurting. Have them imagine their hands turning into stones.Say: “Let’s turn your hands into stones. Stretch your arms out and squeeze your fists tight, tight, tight. Squeeze tight, but not so tight it hurts. Feel how hard your fingers get.”
- Feel the Effort. Hold the squeeze for about five seconds so your child can notice how much energy it takes to stay tight.Say: “Keep squeezing. I’ll count to five. One, two, three, four, five. Do you feel how much work this is? This tight, hard feeling is what stone hands feel like.”
- The Let-Go Secret. Say “Let go!” and invite your child to open their fists and let their arms drop softly. Repeat steps 1 to 3 two or three times, so the difference is easier to feel.Say: “Now the secret: let go. Open your hands and let your arms flop down like wet noodles. You don’t have to fight the tight feeling. You can just let it go.”
- Cloud Hands. Ask your child to close their eyes and notice how their hands feel now.Say: “Now feel your hands. Are they warmer? Softer? Maybe they feel soft and loose, like fluffy clouds. That’s what relaxed can feel like. If you don’t notice much, that’s okay too.”
- Shake It Out. Finish by gently shaking the hands to shake out the last bits of tightness. Remind your child they can use this anytime.Say: “Shake out the last bits of tightness, like water from wet hands. How do your hands feel now? You can do this anytime your body feels tight or angry.”
Big Hugs
This exercise uses warm physical connection to help the body settle. A long hug can help your child’s nervous system slow down and feel safe. It reminds them that they can always come to you for comfort. Always ask first: a hug helps only when your child wants one.
- Create a Quiet Island. Invite your child to pause for a moment and visit a pretend Quiet Island: a place with no rushing, no noise, only the two of you.Say: “Let’s sail to our Quiet Island for a minute. It’s a quiet place where we can just be close together.”
- The Long Hug. Ask first. Hug your child for about 20 seconds if they want to. They can end the hug anytime. Go for a slow, steady hug rather than a quick squeeze.Say: “Would you like a big, long hug? You can stop whenever you want. Let’s count quietly to twenty. No rush.”
- Two Breaths Together. Invite your child to notice your breathing and slowly match it, as if you’re breathing as one. Breathe a little slower and deeper than usual so your child can follow.Say: “Can you feel how I’m breathing? My breath in, your breath in. My breath out, your breath out. Let’s breathe slow and big, together.”
- Room for Every Feeling. If your child is upset, remind them that the hug has room for the feeling too. Nothing needs to be pushed away. If your child doesn’t want a hug right now, sit close by and offer again later.Say: “Even if Sadness or Anger is here, it can come into the hug too. All your feelings are welcome on our island.”
- Slowly Let Go. End when your child’s shoulders soften or their breathing slows, or when your child wants to stop. Then gently open the hug.Say: “Let’s slowly open the hug and sail back from our island. How does your body feel now? Is anything softer? If nothing changed, that’s okay.”
When to talk to the pediatrician
Call your pediatrician if night terrors happen often, regularly disrupt sleep, come with other symptoms, or put your child at risk of getting hurt.
Lumi is a set of self-help exercises for families. It isn’t a treatment and doesn’t replace a pediatrician or a child psychologist. If you’re worried about your child’s safety, call 988 or your local emergency number.
Sources
- Nightmares, Night Terrors & Sleepwalking in Children: How Parents Can Help, American Academy of Pediatrics, HealthyChildren.org, updated 2023.
- Night terrors in children, MedlinePlus Medical Encyclopedia, U.S. National Library of Medicine.
Questions parents ask
What is the difference between a night terror and a nightmare?
A night terror happens early in the night during deep sleep: the child screams or thrashes but is not awake and does not remember it. A nightmare happens later in the night, wakes the child up, and is remembered.
Should I wake my child during a night terror?
The American Academy of Pediatrics advises staying calm, making sure your child cannot get hurt, and waiting. After a short time most children relax and sleep quietly again.
At what age do night terrors happen?
Night terrors are most common in children ages 3 to 7 and become much less common after that. Most children outgrow them.
What triggers night terrors in children?
According to the U.S. National Library of Medicine: fever, lack of sleep, and periods of emotional tension, stress or conflict. They can also run in families.
